Making the Right Choices
Written on February 1, 2010 by nanamecedo
Category: Advice, Establishing who you are
Choices. Something everyone dreads, but something absolutely necessary in life.
The choices you make
As teenagers, we’ve reached that point in our lives where we may very well be making the most crucial decisions of our lives. But as teenagers, maybe we’re not all quite ready for them. I know I wasn’t. At a critical age, we’re faced with questions like “What do you want to do with your life?” “Where do you want to see yourself in ten years?” And let’s face it, we would all be pretty happy seeing ourselves rich and worry-free. But who can really get that? So even if that is our goal, how are we going to get there? In these inconvenient economic times, no one wants to take any chances with their future. Living costs money, and money requires a job. But with national unemployment up to 10%, this generation is on thin ice. It’s easy to decide you want to make the big bucks. But what kind of sacrifices are you willing to make to get there?
As a senior, I’m faced with these kinds of decisions. And believe me, I’ve made them, and made them again, and again. I wouldn’t call myself indecisive, but ideas change. I used to want to be a doctor; and my parents wanted me to be one, too. It’s a satisfying lifestyle. Good income, so there’s no doubt I’d be able to support myself [and a family, if I wanted to]. But what is a doctor? Ten years of school if you’re lucky, and a LOT of work. But I set this goal when I was in the second grade. I grew up and my ideals changed. I didn’t want to be a doctor anymore. I wanted to be a teacher. And most people would think I was adjusting my goals in the wrong direction. I went from shooting for the stars, to shooting for next door.
Something must be wrong with me.
But let’s look at my situation. For ten years, I had imagined myself as a doctor, and suddenly it wasn’t like that anymore. I grew up in a nice family. We certainly weren’t rich, maybe not even “well-off,” but my parents managed to pay the bills and let me see some of the world, too. But the opportunities my parents were able to give me didn’t come without sacrifice from them. My mother went from being a housewife to working two jobs, and my father does freelance work on top of his career. I grew up with a good education: honors classes and IB [dear Lord], and I do well in school. My parents set me up for success, so why does everyone think I’m throwing it away?
Money is the language of the world. And when someone moves from wanting to become a doctor, to wanting to become a teacher, well… there’s not a lot to explain. But I’ve made this decision for my life, so what’s going wrong in the formula?
There are two things that go into a “right” choice for you: how it benefits you, and how it makes you feel.
How does it benefit you?
Of course, you have to be getting something out of this. When you face your options, you need to think about the benefits that each one has, and what you’d prefer. But these benefits aren’t always crystal clear. Take teaching. I’ve heard it said that teaching is a vocation, and not a career. Perhaps it seems like I’m not exactly proving my point. Well, maybe I’m not meant to be a “careerwoman.” So , that’s Benefit #1; I’m doing something suited for me. If we’re getting to be more specific, I want to teach English as a second language. Teaching abroad will give me a chance to promote international relations [Benefit #2], study and share different cultures [Benefit #3], improve my mastery of another language [Benefit #4] and allow me to help others improve theirs [Benefit #5]. That’s five already, and that’s just scratching the surface. Of course, Benefit #6? I’ll be doing something I love.
Which brings me to my next point…
How does it make you feel?
Everyone knows that vegetables are packed with nutrients to help keep you healthy. But who says you feel great eating them? Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t eat your vegetables — please, do! But you should know that the best choice isn’t always the “right” choice.
The way you feel about your decisions is what really takes it home. You shouldn’t do something because you know you should. You should know you want to do something because you want to do it. It should make you feel good inside. Or, at the least, not like your tummy is full of brussel sprouts.
Here’s a choice: Peanut butter, or sugar cookie? Well I don’t know about you, but I’m allergic to peanuts. So for me it’s more like: anaphylactic shock, or warm sugary goodness? One would make me feel sick to my stomach, the other would make me feel happy.
I think the choice is obvious. Seems pretty basic right? If only, if only.
Naturally, nothing significant in life is ever going to be this simple. [A fate I feel doubly cursed with.] When we think about our choices, we’re programmed to consider how it affects the people around us, and all that other complicated goodness.
So what’s our keyword here?
Balance: It’s easy to think something is beneficial, but maybe it doesn’t make you feel good, and vice versa. You can’t always have your cake and eat it, too. [Though I don't see any other purpose for having cake.] So maybe your “right” choice won’t be the most beneficial, or the most feel-good. If you’re picking a side of the scale, you might have LOADS of options better than the one you finally settle on. It’s all about pros and cons.
Keeping the balance in life
Pros and cons: Benefits aren’t all you think about. We live in a world of give and take, and unfair trade. So for these benefits, there’s going to be sacrifice. It goes with your balance concept: Is there enough good to outweigh the bad? Maybe there are a couple of pros, and you think you’d be happy with the decision — but if it’s something that could get you landed in jail, maybe you should reevaluate your priorities. But that’s a little extreme.
Back to my teaching dream. I have a list of pros, and I know I’d be happy doing it. But here are some sacrifices I’ll have to make:
[1] I’ll make a modest salary, meaning I won’t be able to buy as many shoes as I’d like. [2] The price of living abroad is pretty high, so I’ll probably have to work a couple part-time jobs, too. [3] And find another job during the holidays. [4] I’ll be far away from home, and probably won’t be able to visit my family for the holidays. [5] Language barrier. [6] I’ll probably face a lot of discrimination because I’m a “foreigner.”
Let’s not even talk about when I want to have kids. Before we go there, that’s already six cons to match my six pros. So is it really worth it? You might not think so, but I think it is.
So there really is no “flaw” in the formula. If you simplify my thought process, I could either be a doctor, make a lot of money, never enjoy a day of work, and not worry about supporting my kids, OR I could be a teacher, make a modest living, never feel like I’m working, and not be ashamed when I tell my child to “do what you want to do.”
But this is TeenPublish, not SeniorSpotlight. So let’s backtrack a little. Maybe you don’t have to worry so much about your long-term plans right now. You’re young, so don’t stress so much. But I know some of you are still thinking about your education. With budget cuts left and right, we’re seeing a lot of competition build up to get into universities. And most of us go to public school, which puts us at a disadvantage because private school students have access to higher levels of education [at a higher cost!]. Everyone has gotten the talk about how colleges look for the “well-rounded student.” But don’t be in such a rush to join every activity you see!
Applying your “right choice” strategies above, take a look at your extracurricular options and see what’s best for you. Do what you want to do! A lot of people think that just being in Key Club will boost your chances. And maybe it will, but it doesn’t mean as much if you’re not motivated by the cause.
Here’s some tips to help you find the “right” choice for you in all you do:
Do some soul-searching: What is really important to you as an individual? What are your hobbies? What do you like? Believe it or not, there is some kind of club or community group that is perfect for the kinds of things you think are important. Do you like community service? Join Key Club. Are an activist for global issues? Join PeaceJam. Maybe you just like playing music — join band, or start your own rock band! Like video games? Try the WoW club.
And if you can’t find something that caters to your interests, well hey! Start your own thing like the guys at TeenPublish have! If it’s something you really enjoy, or find really important to you, chances are there are others who feel the same way! They’re just waiting for someone who will step up to the plate and take charge! [And colleges eat up that display of leadership!]
Is this going to make me a better person?
Maybe you’re still not sure about how something is helping you, and you’re not really sold on the cause anymore. If you’re still iffy, ask yourself how this decision will help your character. Will it make you a better person? Or rather, will doing it or not doing it make you a lesser person? Maybe you’re doing it solely to “improve” your character. But if you don’t want to do it, will deciding not to lessen your character? Probably not.
How will this affect the rest of my decisions?
Maybe something you really want is inconvenient for something else you want. Like a club you really want to join meets at the same time as another club you’re in. Are you willing to sacrifice one of them? If you’re not sure, maybe you can negotiate with your advisors. Maybe you could go every other meeting, or just go to the major events! Don’t get discouraged just because it doesn’t seem doable at first.
Still having trouble? Map it out: If you’re really thinking hard, sit yourself down and pull out a piece of paper. [Or a dry erase board -- they make you feel like House when he's brainstorming to save someone's life.] Write out your options, and their effects. For example:
Peanutbutter –> allergic –> anaphylactic shock –> X__X [death]
Sugar Cookie –> not allergic –> OMNOMNOM –> yum. :]
Of course, you’d probably only be sitting yourself down for more complicated decisions. And believe me, I’ve done it many, many times. But sometimes it’s not enough.
Seek a second opinion
The decision is yours, and it should be your decision. But sometimes another party can offer a more objective view of the situation, and open your eyes to things you might not have seen yourself. I talk to my father about my future plans — and he always points out all the cons to my thoughts. Because we’re thinking about what we want, we have a tendency to only see what the good points are. So even though he sometimes makes me upset, I always feel good at the end of our discussions, because I know that it’s helping me to make a better-informed decision. [Even though I think he's just trying to change my mind!]
Maybe it’s good to talk to someone who disagrees with you. Just bounce ideas off of each other. It doesn’t have to be a heavy, intense discussion. You can have a fun, casual conversation with serious content.
But I think the best advice I can give anyone when it comes to decision-making is this:
DON’T PROCRASTINATE
If you put off making a decision, you’ll end up stressing yourself out, which is not good. If you’re not calm, you make less rational decisions, which could hurt you later on. Especially when it’s concerning your future, kids, start early. Don’t wait until senior year when that senioritis really kicks in.
Don’t believe me? Check out the article on it.
